balancing love and money

Money has been on my concern list for several weeks now.  I have had a feeling that something is wrong - and I mean more than the usual feeling.  Something like the feeling when I can't remember if I turned off the iron.  Sure enough, I get up this morning and learn that I screwed up the bank account.  Not bad and E gets paid tomorrow - but it still makes me feel like I am falling apart.  I had everything figured before DB borrowed some money -- well I just screwed up and counted some things as paid that hadn't really paid.  The problem is that I see the bill paying and money handling as my thermometer on how I am handling my life in general - so my goal is to handle this hiccup with  grace, without panic, and without beating myself up (too much).

On the flip side is the lovely fun I had with E last night.  I really was able to detach and have everything be about be about us.  I am so lucky and he is so wonderful.  Today is a very important doctor appointment for me.  I'm nervous and more than a little scared.  Mostly I'm scared of this being the same thing...  lots of time and no conclusions.

L