Lamb in Love

Pulling it Together

I was feeling a little blah yesterday until I saw IT!  The cover of Vogue Knitting...

I knew immediately that I have to make that sweater.  Suddenly everything went on hold and I was yarn shopping.  I found a cotton blend in a neutral color and have gotten started.  This could be my NC State Fair entry.

I also discovered two book groups and signed up for both.  My first meeting will be on Sunday evening and I am very excited.  Real grownups discussing real literature...  WOW

Today's Quote:  It seems to me that I have always been waiting for something better--sometimes to see the best I had snatched from me.  ~~Dorothy Reed Mendenhall

Today's Meditation:  I can live in the present if I choose to.  Gentle reminders are often necessary, however.  I will step into my life, today.  It can become  habit, one I will never want to break.

My Easter Promise (Saint of the Day):  Bd. Damien of Molokai, Priest and Leper (1840-1899)  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Damien_of_Molokai  "I make myself a leper with the lepers to gain all for Christ"

Back Home

The LasVegas trip was wonderful.  I got some time with the two men in my life.  12 Casinos in 2 days was a tad tiring, but it was also a sure way to make sure that I didn't over spend.  Now I am trying to get my life and routine back to normal...  I had a really good appointment with Dr.L. yesterday.  It is always good to confirm that my life really is overwhelming and that it's not just a perception or my way of viewing the past few years.  

Today I get to knit AND I get a massage...  Life is getting better every day!

An Artist Prayer:

Lord,
make me see your glory in every place.
Amen.  (This prayer is attributed to Michelangelo (1475-1564).) 

Today's Quote:  Only those who dare truly live.  ~~Ruth P. Freedman

Today's Meditation:  The riches of a full life are so easily mine, and so deservedly mine.

My Easter Promise (Saint of the Day):  St. Justin, philosopher and Martyr (100?-165)  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Justin_Martyr  "You can kill us but you cannot do any real harm"

balancing love and money

Money has been on my concern list for several weeks now.  I have had a feeling that something is wrong - and I mean more than the usual feeling.  Something like the feeling when I can't remember if I turned off the iron.  Sure enough, I get up this morning and learn that I screwed up the bank account.  Not bad and E gets paid tomorrow - but it still makes me feel like I am falling apart.  I had everything figured before DB borrowed some money -- well I just screwed up and counted some things as paid that hadn't really paid.  The problem is that I see the bill paying and money handling as my thermometer on how I am handling my life in general - so my goal is to handle this hiccup with  grace, without panic, and without beating myself up (too much).

On the flip side is the lovely fun I had with E last night.  I really was able to detach and have everything be about be about us.  I am so lucky and he is so wonderful.  Today is a very important doctor appointment for me.  I'm nervous and more than a little scared.  Mostly I'm scared of this being the same thing...  lots of time and no conclusions.

L

Lists

This week's Artist's Way asks for several lists -- so here goes

List 5 Childhood Accomplishments

1.  I Survived

2.  Ballet - I had real potential

3.  

4.

5.

List 5 Favorite Childhood Foods

1.  Macaroni and Cheese

2.  

3.

4.

5.

List the Friends who Nurture You

1.  W____ in Seattle

2.  G____ in Pittsboro

3.  J_______ in Texas

4.  A__ in Vermont - it's great to be able to call a mother-in-law a friend

5.  B___ in California - the sister I always wanted

List five people you admire who you would feel safe praising publicly

1.  Barack Obama

2.  Oprah Winfrey

3.  Jimmy Carter

4.  My husband

5.  My daughter

List five people who are dead who you wish you had met while they were alive

1.  Benjamin Franklin -- the true American Renaissance Man

2.  Isadora Duncan

3.  Jennie Jerome Churchill

4.  Abigail Adams

5.  Zelda Fitzgerald

I think I need to work on the childhood part.  I have always recalled my childhood as happy, but looking back at the facts I'm not sure why or how.

DAILY CHECK IN

 In the News Today:  Poll Finds New Optimism on Economy Since Inauguration

 News & Events with Family and Friends:  R got an Academic Scholarship

I am Excited About:  Lincoln Lecture tomorrow

I am Concerned About:  Money

Physically I Feel:  A Bit Blah

Mentally I Feel:  Even More Blah

People/things that Brightened my Day:  E Again

What I did to Brighten someone else’s Day:   Send a note of congrats to R for Scholarship

Ideas for a Better Tomorrow:   Just keep doing the right thing

Goal Update:  Cholesterol down to 280

5 things I am Grateful For:

1. The right meds
2. That E has a job 
3. Playful kitties 
4. That the sun came out yesterday 
5. That Daddy is excited about Vegas

Today's Quote:  "It is only when people begin to shake lose from their preconceptions from the ideas that have dominated them, that we begin to receive a sense of opening, a sense of vision." 

~~ Barbara Ward

Today's Meditation:  "Each day is a new beginning.  Each moment is a new opportunity to let go of all tht has trapped me in the past.  I am free.  In the present I am free."

A Rant

It is so hard to know what to do when E's kids say and do things that hurt.  Two of his three kids didn't even bother to pick up the phone, call and tell him Happy Birthday.  And, to top it all off he got a lecture from R yesterday.  We had offered to take her to NYC after her high school graduation.  She declined and said that she would prefer either DC or Boston.  While we were in DC NCL announced a cruise sail.  We offered to take R on an Alaska Cruise, which she declined saying that it would be boring.  We started again and offered Washington DC over the Independence Day holiday.

From the reaction one would have thought that we had told her she was going to have to do hard labor.  I was flabbergasted.  It was combative, rude, and inconsiderate.  R is well aware that if she wants to do something with us all she has to do is ask.  If we can do it we will, just like we always have.  

It's discouraging because I thought we had gotten past this part.

10 Hours Later:

I feel better after my rant, and getting S onto a plane to her Grandparents for Passover and UNC is playing for the National Championship in a few hours.  I should change into my blue and white pj's for the game **giggle**.

DAILY CHECK IN

 In the News Today: "At Least 150 Dead in Italy Quake"

 News & Events with Family and Friends:  J&K Move into an apartment in Dallas

I am Excited About:  Date night with E tomorrow night

I am Concerned About:  Keeping my relationship with E alive and healthy

Physically I Feel:  Headache free all day!  Yeah!  Traction works

Mentally I Feel:  More anxiety than I think I should

People/things that Brightened my Day:  E - always E

What I did to Brighten someone else’s Day:  I need to work on this

Ideas for a Better Tomorrow:  Get out of the house

Goal Update:  Alaska Cruise scheduled for June 14th-21st

 5 things I am Grateful For:  knitting keeping my hands moving, being headache free for a day, not having to work outside of the house, a beautiful day, my Dad

Today's Quote:  "Treat your friends as you do your pictures, and place them i their best light".  ~~ Jennie Jerome Churchill

Today's Meditation:  I can make this day one to remember with fondness.  I will appreciate a friend.  I will let her know she matters in my life.  Her life will b enhanced by my attention.

The Importance of Gauge

I learned the gauge lesson a long time ago -- really I did, I promise.  So why do I continue to ignore the lesson and ignore the total principle?  

I am making Mr. Foster for R.  I attempted to make some changes and change the yarn and needle size without adjusting the pattern.  It is a disaster!  I am going to have to start over and use sock yarn (as the pattern directs).  Once again I am being reminded to read and follow the instructions...

So much of my life is like that.  I am always looking for short cuts and then surprised when the results are less than I had hoped for.  

My AW assignments for the day is to take a look at my habits.  And to list three obvious rotten habit.  I guess that my worse habit is attempting to take short cuts rather than working through the steps and checking gauge.  So - the other two - hmmmmm

- Bad habit #2 - not following through and finishing what I start

- Bad habit #3 - dumbing down my brain...  I have been avoiding items that require thought

DAILY CHECK IN

 In the News Today:  "13 Shot Dead During a Class on Citizenship"

 News & Events with Family and Friends:  J&K Move into an apartment in Dallas

I am Excited About:  The LasVegas trip next week

I am Concerned About:  Pulling off the J&K's wedding; S's mental health; my ability to handle S's mental issues

Physically I Feel:  Very Stiff and in moderate pain

Mentally I Feel:  A little anxious, but basically strong

People/things that Brightened my Day:  E - always E

What I did to Brighten someone else’s Day:  I need to work on this

Ideas for a Better Tomorrow:  Check Gauge/Keep it between the lines

Goal Update:  Alaska Cruise scheduled for June 14th-21st

 5 things I am Grateful For:  playful kittens; sunshine; an understanding husband; my relationship with J, and the California B's

Balancing Act

As I attempt to incorporate Morning Pages into my daily ritual the reality of my life become more and more clear.  I spend a good deal of my waking hours weighing the various elements and making choices.  My constant goal is to become balanced and stay balanced.  I have to balance J's need to have her Mom shop with her for a wedding dress with the fact that the travel will cost almost as much as our dress budget.   I have to balance S's needs and apparent abandonment issues with the rest of the household.  So, if my constant goal is for me to become more balanced, then why is it that I am rarely at the center of the choice?  I need to seriously consider how each of these choices will impact ME...  and then perhaps I won't spend so much time putting out fire and can spend more time starting them.

Watch Out World!

Today's Quote:  Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart don't know how to laugh either.  ~~ Golda Meir

Today's Meditation:  Past experiences never let me go until I fully grieve those that need to be grieved or laugh over those that deserve the light touch.  The present is distorted when the past shadows it.

Today I am Grateful For:

~ 4 am thunderstorms that rock the house

~ the feeling I get when I can her Eric snoring all the way downstairs

~ that S is taking a week to be with her Mom's family for Passover

~ new knitting friends, compliments of G

~ a Friday with no specific plans for the weekend (but lots of to-dos)

Shalom:  A Prayer from Many Spiritual Sources to Begin and End the Day

Let me be at peace within myself

Let me accept that I am profoundly loved and need never be afraid.

Let me be aware of the Source of Being that is common to us all and to all living creatures.

Let me be filled with the presence of the Great Compassion toward myself and toward living beings.

Let me always be an instrument of my own liberation and not of my own oppression.

Let me see the face of Jesus in others.

Let me be the face of Jesus for others.

Let me be at peace within myself

     Amen

~~ The reverend Canon Elizabeth Kaeton

Taking things in Stride

All in all I think I am doing pretty well with “accepting the things I cannot change” part.   There are so many things happening in my life right now:  a)  my Dad asking to borrow funds we don’t really have, b)  getting S transitioned back into school, c) wedding, d) E’s continued employment or not, and e) the emotional roller coaster I seem to be riding most of the time - especially concerning my health.  How weird is it that I don’t feel terribly stressed.  I handle issues as they arise, but so far I haven’t really paniced or had a melt down.  Should I be concerned?

I also don’t feel terrible artistic.  I am going though the motions and getting things done, but there isn’t much heart or soul behind it.  I am knitting with a new group this afternoon

Today’s Artist Way Assignment:  Describe five traits you liked in yourself as a child.  Write a little bit about why each one appeals to you

1) I was generally positive -- actually my family called my Polyanna a lot.  Today this appeals to me because I believe I spend too much time projecting negatively
2) I believed that anything was possible
3) I didn’t let too many things bother me
4) I only did things I was passionate about and ignored to rest
5) I believed that most people were good

Have things changed that much -- yeah in some ways they have.  I now know that everything might not be ok.  I know that bad things do happen to good people.  I know that some things can’t be undone -- in fact there are very few “do-overs” or “start agains” in the real world.  However, I think I am basically happy and proud of the sometimes adult I have become.

Today’s Quote:  To be wildly enthusiastic, or deadly serious--both are wrong.  Both pass.  One must keep ever present a sense of humor.

~~ Katherine Mansfield

Today’s Meditation:  Today will offer me a chance to be wildly enthusiastic and a chance to be deadly serious.  I’ll try to focus on the middle ground and cultivate my sense of humor.

A Mother's Prayer

Pardon the Pun -- but I am so tired of not sleeping.  Once again, I was up and down all night last night.  Perhaps it is something to do with an ever fluctuating thyroid level or perhaps I am drawn to the early morning hours because it is quiet, because I need to centering time, because it is ok to remember when I am alone.

 

I was doing some reading and discovered this prayer.  It spoke to me in unusual ways.

 

A Mother's Prayer

 

Hail Mary, full of grace.

Pray for me, now, in the time of my grief.

 

You had a son.  You lost a son--in the prime of his life.

I, too.

 

Were your tears bitter, reflecting the injustice?

Were your tears a torrent, reflecting the anguish?

Were your tears hot, reflecting your anger?

Mine are.

 

Did your soul become barren in the salty river?

Did your faith grow dark, extinguishing in tears?

Did your love shrivel as your tears dried?

 

Did you withdraw to nurse a wounded heart?

Did your curse and shake your fist to God?

Did you retreat into the past grasping at memories?

(the feel of a baby, new in your arms

the smell of a boy, sweaty from play

the sound of a teen, raucous and gay

the look of a man, who is ever your baby)

I have

 

Did your weeping stop?

Did you lie again?

Did you love again?

Did you believe again?

 

O Mary, full of grace.

Pray for me now in the time of my grief.

 

~~ Mrs. Joanne R. Gillbraith

 

I so don't want to be a member of this special club, but I will go on.  Just don't ask me to forget.

 

Today is a take care of Lamb day.  I’ll exercise and then knit this morning then I hsv an appointment at 3:00 for a massage.  It is also E’s b’day.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVE!

 

Today’s Quote:  Anger repressed can poison a relationship as surely as the cruelest words.  ~~Joyce Brothers

 

Today’s Meditation:  Every experience can uplift me if anger doesn’t wear me down.

Ten Tiny Changes

My final assignment for this week is to list ten changes I'd like to make for myself.  This assignment shouldn't be so difficult, but for some reason I've been putting this off...

1.  I would like to reduce the stress in my life

2.  I would like to successfully journal 

3.  I would like to stay on my diet

4.  I would like to more time with E

5.  I would like to feel better

6.  I would like to travel more

7.  I would like to read more books

8.  I would like to have more faith

9.  I would like to follow an exercise program

10.I would like to clea my to do list

WOW -- I did it

Today's Quote:  The pure relationship, how beautiful it is.  How easily it is damaged, or weighted down with relevancies -- not even irrelevancies, just life itself, the accumulations of life and of time.  ~~ Anne Morro Lindhbergh

Today's Meditation:  Each day I can look for those chances to give myself wholly.  And gifts ill abound.